There is an oddness in our daily world. Anticipating something can give you as much happiness as actually getting it.
Sometimes you’ll wait for weeks to get your hands on some new toy or gadget, or wait months for a trip or vacation. And in that time, you’ll be happily waiting. Happily waiting. Why are you happy? Apparently expecting and anticipating something can also give you pleasure. In fact, anticipating something gives satisfaction of an equal value to actually getting it.
Why does this happen?
It turns out that it’s because of the way our brains work. You see, *your * reality is whatever is happening in your brain. And in your reality, an object is only as valuable as you think it is.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
When you actually have the object in front of you (or if you’re actually already on your vacation), it’s very easy to evaluate it and figure out how much “beauty it holds in your eyes“. You can figure out how much you like it. But what happens when the object isn’t there yet? What happens when it’s 3 weeks away?
In that case, we start using that tool that most people misuse so casually. We use our imaginations.
Unfortunately, our brains aren’t very good at being objective. We tend to judge things based on emotion rather than actual facts. For example, we usually remember time emotionally (see Emotional Time). When it comes to something that we are anticipating (because it’s not here yet), then we tend to focus on the parts of that “thing” that will make us feel good. Or feel bad. We will usually forget every other part of it. We only remember the parts that make us feel emotion.
If you were buying a car and you were getting it in 3 weeks, you’d be thinking of how it would look, how you would have freedom to drive around and maybe a bit about what your friends would think of it. These are all things which cause strong emotion. You wouldn’t think about paying insurance, having to check the tire pressure, adjusting the car seat the first time you sit down, how far away the closest petrol station is, making sure the seatbelt works, etc etc…
The point is that we don’t notice things that are, simply speaking, boring. They don’t cause strong good or bad emotions.
But this has its own downsides.
Horrible decision-making
Usually 90% of any “thing” consists of these boring parts. In our minds however, we tend to skip over most of those parts and only notice the exciting parts (whether exciting good or exciting bad).
And this means we’ve already lost about 90% of the information needed to make a good decision. This is probably why most of us tend to make bad decisions about critical issues.
The point is that we don’t notice things that are, simply speaking, boring.
But it gets worse. Our minds are very good at idealizing something. As time goes on, we don’t imagine things the exact right way anymore. We idealize it and build it up in our minds. And what we build in our minds is always perfect. And at the same time, we remove even more real world information from our idealized imaginations.
Unfortunately, it’s super easy to convince yourself using your own brain. After all, it’s your own imagination. There’s no need to filter words and understand them and imagine them in your head. It’s all right there. Whatever you idealize in your head will feel like the truth to you. Even if all your friends and family tell you that the truth is different, you won’t really believe it. This is especially true for relationships.
There’s a good side however.
It gives you hope
Life always looks better when there’s something to look forward to. Anticipating something allows you to trick yourself into feeling happy when you’re feeling down. Planning a vacation in 3 months’ time or anticipating a big event can give you weeks of happiness without having to actually spend any time or money.
“So… theoretically I could just keep planning stuff and be happy without actually doing it?”
No.
Of course, if you just keep planning stuff and never doing it, your brain will catch on. Your brain is pretty smart, did you know that? After a while, it just gets fed up with empty promises and doesn’t bother anticipating any more, because** it knows you won’t fulfill that promise**. YOU know that you won’t fulfill your promise.
Thus anticipating forever is also pointless.
This is why it’s important to keep promises.
The importance of promises
Nearly 7 years ago, I sat down with some friends and had a discussion about integrity and becoming a complete person. At the time, I said something about being able to fulfill my promises and always keeping my word.
I knew there was some reason it was important but I couldn’t put it into words at the time. It turns out anticipation is part (just part) of the reason.
If my promises weren’t being kept, of course it would make other people lose trust in me. But more importantly, it would mean that I would lose trust in myself.
And when I lost trust in myself, I would never be able to focus on the process, because I knew I would never reach the end. I would never focus on the journey, because I knew I would never reach the destination. I would never focus on the work, because I knew I would never complete it.
I would never focus on the work, because I knew I would never complete it.
When the reward itself can never be there, anticipation disappears as well.
So what does all this mean?
What does the psychology of anticipation really say?
It says that waiting and working toward your dream can give you as much pleasure as achieving the dream itself. Sometimes more.
So…
“Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.”
— Greg Anderson (American best-selling Author and founder of the American Wellness Project., b.1964)